He Gave Me a Name
by Za Metallium
Summary: One possibility of what Zel's childhood was like.


He Gave Me a Name

**He Gave Me a Name**   
by [Za Metallium][1], Trickster Priestess 

  


Mommy was crying again. Mommy had cried every night since Daddy left. Zelgadiss wasn't sure why Daddy left, but it made him very sad to see his mommy so upset. Zel climbed up on his mother's lap and gave her a hug. 

"Oh! I'm sorry, darling. I didn't mean to wake you." Mommy wiped at her eyes with her sleeve, getting it all wet. 

"I wasn't asleep, Mommy," he said, trying to make her feel better. "I had to check on you first." 

Mommy kissed his cheek. "You're such a good boy, Zelgadiss." She made some sniffly noises then smiled at him. It wasn't a real smile, though, Zel could tell. It was all tight and her eyes got kind of wrinkly at the corners, and she looked kind of like she did when she banged her knee on the chair. 

"Don't worry, Mommy. I'll take care of you." 

* * * * *

Zelgadiss sat perched on a tree branch, staring off in the distance. Living out in the forest wasn't all that bad, really. Anyway, after his experinces with the nasty kids in town when he went to buy groceries, Zel had decided he didn't much like other people. Well, except for Mother and Grandfather. 

"Hello, Zelgadiss." 

Zel was so startled he nearly fell out of the tree. "Grandfather! What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming till at least next week." 

"No particular reason. I simply wished to learn how my daughter and grandson are doing." 

Zel carefully climbed down the tree, all the while wishing he were strong enough to just jump down. He then hugged his grandfather enthusiastically. 

"I'm glad to 'see' you, as well," his grandfather said with a smile, hugging Zel back with his free arm. 

"Come on, Grandfather!" Zel urged, grabbing his grandfather's hand tightly. "Let's go tell Mother you're here!" 

Zel all but dragged his grandfather home. "Mother! Mother!" he called as home came into sight. "Grandfather's here!" 

Mother opened the door. Zel's smile widened at his mother's happy expression. His mother seemed to be happy so rarely nowadays. Zel vaguely remembered, when he was a little boy, a time when his mother was happy all the time. That was before his father had left them. 

"Father!" his mother cried, running out to greet them. "It's been so long..." 

Grandfather hugged Mother gently. "Yes, too long." 

"Is...is something wrong?" his mother asked, looking worried. 

"No...," Grandfather said slowly, "although be do need to speak together." 

Zel frowned, trying not to pout. 'Speak together' was the phrase Grandfather used when he meant 'speak somewhere away from Zel.' 

Mother nodded. She looked was wise as Grandfather when she did that. "Let's go inside, then. Zel, dearest, would you—" 

"Yes, Mother. I'll go chop some firewood." That was what he was always asked to do when Grandfather said 'speak together.' 

"Thank you." 

Zel nodded at his mother and trotted toward the back of the house, where the axe was. He hated chopping firewood. It was so hard because he wasn't strong enough to chop the wood with one stroke. 

"Hm," he murmured upon reaching the back of the house. There was more than enough firewood. 

Zel didn't think he was a nosy person, but he was worried about Mother. He couldn't do anything to help if he didn't know what the problem was, now could he? 

He quietly crept in the back door and tiptoed to through the hall. 

"No!" he heard Mother cry. 

It took all of Zel's self-control not to run to his mother right then. 

"...one of them?" his mother whispered, barely loudly enough for Zel to catch the last few words. 

"It's nothing less than I'd expect from him." Zel had never before heard his grandfather speak so coldly. In fact, Grandfather's tone was so cold that Zel shivered, feeling that coldness creeping up his spine. 

"But..." 

"You love him? Still?" 

"Still. Always." 

Zel blinked in surprised as his grandfather cursed. "Will he never cease hurting you?" 

"...probably not." 

Silence fell, and Zel snuck a peek into the den. Grandfather was hugging Mother tightly. Her shoulders were shaking, and...and she was crying, Zel realised. 

He crept halfway back down the hall, then made a point of walking loudly as possible. When he entered the den, Mother and Grandfather were sitting down in two chairs. Mother looked the same as always, except for a little redness around her eyes. Grandfather looked slightly upset. Just what had Grandfather said to upset Mother so? 

"Is everything okay?" Zel asked carefully, not wanting to give away that he'd overheard part of their conversation. 

"Everything's fine, Zelgadiss," Grandfather said soothingly. 

"Yes, dearest," Mother agreed, "everything's just fine." 

* * * * *

"Where is he? He should be here!" 

Zel watched with a pained expression as his mother's eyes lost focus and she started saying things that made no sense. She'd been having these episodes ever since Grandfather's visit a year ago. Zel was really getting worried; these "attacks" were happening almost weekly now. 

"It's all right, Mother," he soothed, guiding his frantic mother to a chair and getting her to sit down. "He'll be back." Untrue, of course, but it was the only thing that really calmed her down. 

Zel wasn't certain who 'he' was supposed to be, though he had an idea. From the things his mother said during these spells, he guessed that she referred to his father. 

"Where..." his mother trailed off before going into a seizure. 

Zel panicked; _this_ had never happened before! He grabbed her and managed to set her on the ground despite her flailing limbs. Sitting cross-legged, he laid her head in his lap and grasped her shoulders, trying to keep her as still as possible as she jerked about. 

After several interminable minutes, she stopped convulsing, her body going completely slack as she fell into an exausted sleep. 

* * * * *

Zel was fixing dinner when he heard the knock at the door. "Just a moment!" he called. 

He'd been doing all of the chores for the past few months. His mother was out of her mind as often as she was lucid, and even when she was lucid, she had very little energy. At least she was still able to take care of her personal hygiene, although Zel wasn't sure how much longer that would be so. 

Because of his mother's deteriorating condition, Zel had taken it upon himself to do all the chores and such. He was getting pretty good at it. 

Zel opened the door. He was only vaguely suprised to see his grandfather there. He was more than vaguely surprised to see a pretty black-haired lady with him. This was the woman who travelled with his grandfather? 

"...hello," Zel finally said. 

"Hello, Grandson. May I present my companion to you: Ellis Toritsuki." 

"Pleased to meet you." The woman, Ellis, bowed slightly. 

Zel did the same. "My name is Zelgadiss," he introduced himself, not stating his 'family' name. That name was rarely mentioned. It was a reminder of his father. A reminder that a name—"Greywords"—was all his father had given him before leaving. 

Zel moved aside and gestured for his grandfather and Ellis to enter. 

"Your mother is ill, isn't she?" Ellis asked, not unkindly, as she followed Grandfather into the house. 

"Yes," Zel answered shortly, not wanting to discuss it. 

Grandfather stood in front of Zel, his expression serious and almost...bleak? "You cannot continue to watch after her, Zelgadiss." 

"Why? And what do you know, anyway? You haven't been here!" Zel snappped bitterly, then instantly regretted it. He knew his grandfather was a busy man, and that he travelled extensively. Probably he had been unable to come until now. He was about to apologise when Grandfather interrupted. 

"You are correct, Zelgadiss. I have not been here. My dubious 'gift' only recently showed me what my daughter has been going through." 

"I'm sorry, Grandfather. I know you would've been here if you could've, it's just..." 

"This is very hard for you. I understand." 

"You said I couldn't continue caring for her," Zel ventured after a moment of uncomfortable silence. "What do you mean by that, exactly?" 

"He means," Ellis interjected, "that your mother's condition will continue to deteriorate to the point that she will require constant supervision and care." 

"That is why I feel we must take her to Sailloon. In the Holy City there is a place where she will be cared for as she requires." 

A flash of memory hit Zel. A passage from a book he'd read recently, that mentioned places for the mentally ill. These places were supposed to be horrid, filthy hellholes where the residents were treated worse than animals. "No! You can't send her to one of those places!" 

"No, no, she won't be sent to some horrible place where she'll be mistreated. She'll be sent to a convent, where the preistesses can watch after her," Ellis assured him after glancing at Grandfather. 

"Oh." 

"You can travel with us," Grandfather said, almost as a footnote. "Although you are certainly responsible enough to live on your own." 

Part of him wanted to go with his grandfather, to cling to something that would be familiar. Another part of him was cursing his grandfather for coming to take Mother away; hadn't the two of them been getting along well enough up until now? "I think I'll stay here," Zel finally said. He had to be strong, for his mother's sake and his own. 

* * * * *

He was so lonely. It had been almost three months since he'd gotten word his mother had died at the convent. His mother being dead was much worse than her being far away but alive, and somehow much lonlier. 

No, he shouldn't think about that. He had to be strong. Zel swung his sword—a gift from his mother years ago—and repeated that mantra mentally: I want to be strong. Strong! Strong! Strong! 

Zel growled softly as his sword got stuck in a tree trunk. Bloody hell. 

He looked up quickly as he heard the distinctive sound of his grandfather's staff. Out of the darkness, his grandfather appeared. Yet, somehow, he seemed...sinister, almost. 

"So, Zelgadiss, you wish to be strong?" 

* * * * *

Zel jolted awake as someone shook his shoulder. 

"Hey, Zel. It's your turn to take up the watch." 

Zel opened his eyes and saw Lina looking down at him. He stood quickly and took up a watch position, sittting cross-legged with his back resting against a tree. 

Lina went to lie down on her bedroll, and Zel noticed her tossing and turning. Finally, she must've given up, as she stood and took a seat next to Zel. 

"Can't sleep?" 

"Nope. I've been thinking...don't say it!" 

"I wouldn't dream of it," he teased lightly. Then, curiously: "What were you thinking about?" 

"Family," Lina replied simply. 

"Ah." 

There was silence for a long while. Then, Lina asked pensively, "Do you have any family? Living familiy, I mean." 

Zel thought about that for a moment. His mother was dead. Rezo was dead. His father...Zel had no idea. The man who sired him might still be alive somewhere, although it mattered little to Zel. As far as he was concerned, his father had died the moment he'd left Zel and his mother. 

"No," Zel finally said. "I have no family left."   
  


–end–

   [1]: mailto:ZaMetallium@aol.com



End file.
